Thursday, June 4, 2009

To Try Out Or Not To Try Out?

Like I've mentioned before, I wait every year for So You Think You Can Dance to start and every year I get very excited. I get very involved with the show and it is very intense, I feel as though I was one of those dancers up on that stage. Every summer when it comes on I always say I'm going to be on there, but of course every year I’m not and I’m just sitting on my couch watching it. Everyone is very encouraging and tells me that I should go if I love dancing so much. They have confidence in me but I don’t.

The truth is I’m scared out of my mind! I was watching SYTYCD last night and I realized why I am so petrified to tryout. The judges were grueling and harsh last night to even the best dancers. An amazing dancer was even kicked off and she had the choreography down pat and everything. I see and feel the emotional rollercoaster they go through and I don’t think I’d be able to endure it. The judges are downright mean and have no mercy. I am too shy to get in front of all those people and perform; ever since I stopped dancing I won’t let anyone see me perform, I only do it for myself now. I feel as though the harshness of the judges and emotional abuse would discourage me. Standing on that stage and hearing that you aren’t good enough would be crippling for me. I’m afraid that it would discourage me so much that I would never dance again, not even for myself. I would constantly think im not a good dancer and as if I were one of those people that they make a mockery of. I am afraid of rejection and losing my passion.